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I guess the topic and the following picture basically sums up the experience I gathered from watching Poseidon. Thanks to the Klang chow ah beng, Galvin, who said this movie was “pretty good”, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have watched it. Spoilers ahead, you are warned.

Poseidon movie yawn
giant sinking ship, yawn

The story:

A giant luxury cruise liner, Poseidon, was crusing somewhere in some ocean during new year’s eve, the year wasn’t mentioned either. The main characters were each given a 1 minute character build up, don’t worry, you won’t even remember their names. There were a wealthy dude ex NY mayor who owns the ship, his hot daughter (every film needs a hot chick) and the boy friend, a professional gambler, a single mom with her kid, an old gay man, and a Latina girl who didn’t pay her fare to get onboard. Sounds exciting?

Then all of a sudden, a rouge wave hit the ship while the old gay dude was standing outside trying to call his ex boy friend who just dumped him or something. Interesting thing was that for the ship this size and sophistication, apperantly there weren’t any radar or warning system, everything was dependant on the 6th sense of a navigation officer.

They did not manage to steer the ship to greet the incoming wave fast enough, and well, the ship was hit and toppled upside down. Somehow the old gay man ended up back in the ballroom just at the same instance, teleportation at work, I presume.

Well, some pretty fantastic camera works showed how so many people died, there was fire, and electric shocks and all that jazz. The captain who was in the ballroom tried to get everybody to calm down and wait for rescue to come, but the gambling man and all the other main characters decided to find their own way out.

The story then became an adventure of those guys and gals trying to get to the stern of the ship. Went through hips of danger and a couple other characters were introduced. The kitchen crew was quickly killed about 5 minutes after he was introduced, and there was this other annoying fella who was killed too in less than 10 minutes just because he was an asshole. Very good for morale education class.

After those two were killed, they continue finding their ways up, the Latina girl had to die because her skirt got caught and she drown, but somehow that scene wasn’t even sad. The little boy got lost somehow (the mom suddenly didn’t give a shit about the boy for 10 minutes) and then rescued by the gambling man (hero) just to add some very lousy spark to the story. The rich guy ex mayor (Kurt Russle, yey) who initially hated his daughter’s relationship with the boy friend, then had to die too to save everyone by reversing the propeller of the ship so they can get out.

When they got out (gambling guy, mother and kid, rich guy’s hot daughter and boy friend, old dude), they found a life boat in half a second, and got rescued 2 seconds later. End of story.

My criticism & plot holes:

  • There character built up of the movie was very very weak, you never get to associate with any one of them.
  • No story whatsoever in the whole movie.
  • Two love story going on the show, but none important nor being followed up
  • When the water filled up an air tight room, somehow all the air dissapeared and people started to drown, this is pyshically impossible and annoyed me alot.
  • Somehow no one else survived, a 200 feet tall ship with thousands of crews and guests, everyone was killed except the half a dozen or so main characters
  • There were fire in some air tight areas, when door was opened after that, there was no difference in air pressure (21% of air should be consumed, oxygen, hello!)
  • There’s no way the propeller of the ship could be spinning faster than a mamak fan to generate air sucking force as powerful as a decompressing 747 jet at 50,000 feet.
  • There’s no way a small tank of compressed gas could blow up the 20 feet tall propeller and created the damage it did

My verdict:

The story was flat an uninteresting, the actors themselves weren’t necessarily bad but there was nothing for them to work with. The script was horrendous, there were too many plot holes too. To their credit, the cinematography was pretty good and some of the effects were amazing. I give it a 4/10, it scored a 5.6/10 on IMDB, what say you?

Hollywood, please do not waste another US $150 million in bad scripts. From the other reviews that I read, it seems that this one is not even half as good as the original The Poseidon Adventure (1972). I am hoping that X-Men: The Last Stand is going to be a good one.

Discuss : KY reviews – Poseidon (movie.. yawn)

  1. Yah am waiting for X-Men 3! and want to watch over the hedge, screw posideon and da wanky code.

  2. The original Poseidon was so much better than this re-make.

    I actually like the old couple in the original. The aunty was apparently a champion swimmer in her younger days, but since then had grown fat. She died while trying to swim submerged from one part of the ship to another when the surviving group tried to escape the sunken vessel.

    Return to Poseidon somewhat flopped though.

    Budden hor, the bestest disaster movie ever has to be The Towering Inferno. Burn, baby, burn!

  3. remember The Descent?

    ………………

  4. OMG, The Descent really descented to the bottom

  5. in that case , i wont watch. gonna watch Da Vinci Code tonite. WOnder if its better than the book. DOubted that though

  6. ‘everything was dependant on the 6th sense of a navigation officer.’

    The Captain of the ship had read Dune one too many times and just kept feeding the Navigator spice. :-)

    ‘ Somehow the old gay man ended up back in the ballroom just at the same instance, teleportation at work, I presume.’

    Conclusion, Gandalf isn’t the only old gay man with magical powers. :-)

    ‘there was fire, and electric shocks and all that jazz’

    Forcing people to watch the musical ‘All That Jazz’ is enough to get them to die, plausible deaths. :-)

    Sounds like they used the same script as the original 1972 version [which I saw at the movies I might add, in 1972] … nothing to see here, move along!

  7. The new version was so so…I can’t wait to catch the original one on TV again. When is RTM going to show it…

  8. Watched X-Men 3… pretty good show… once finish the show, I felt like I got the super power….

    *yi wang wang…yi wang wang…*

    hehehe… :P

  9. This is the only Poseidon i’ll ever dorn
    http://www.poseidon.se

  10. Go watch Benchwarmers. I real heartwarming comedy.

  11. Go watch Benchwarmers. *A real heartwarming comedy.

  12. X-Men III kicks asss!!!!

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  14. The most CB-ly sien part is when 2 helicopters came to rescue one whole bloody big fucking ship.

  15. michael

    u r a complete asshole for slaggin off a movie that is excellent! wot rite hav u got to bitch about it? i’d luv to see u make a movie 1/9th as good as the new Poseidon! there was loads of tension, great special effects and TONS better than the gay old 1! I think u shud find summet decent to do with ur time other than slag amzing movies off! u stupid, pathetic, annoying, freak!!

  16. michael,

    I doubt you’ll need to be a film producer or director to be a critic. It’s good that you think the movie is great, I just have a differing opinion. :)

  17. I still don’t really get why they had to climb through a treacherous fiery interior to reach the surface, when they could take some dry clothes (to fight off hypothermia) in some sort of plastic bag (along with a blow up raft – for survival on the surface), find their way to the exterior of the ship, create an airlock by allowing water in slowly, and then once the pressure has equaled out, swim up to the surface?

    Am I right in believing this would really be the most simple solution?

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