I guess the topic and the following picture basically sums up the experience I gathered from watching Poseidon. Thanks to the Klang chow ah beng, Galvin, who said this movie was “pretty good”, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have watched it. Spoilers ahead, you are warned.
giant sinking ship, yawn
A giant luxury cruise liner, Poseidon, was crusing somewhere in some ocean during new year’s eve, the year wasn’t mentioned either. The main characters were each given a 1 minute character build up, don’t worry, you won’t even remember their names. There were a wealthy dude ex NY mayor who owns the ship, his hot daughter (every film needs a hot chick) and the boy friend, a professional gambler, a single mom with her kid, an old gay man, and a Latina girl who didn’t pay her fare to get onboard. Sounds exciting?
Then all of a sudden, a rouge wave hit the ship while the old gay dude was standing outside trying to call his ex boy friend who just dumped him or something. Interesting thing was that for the ship this size and sophistication, apperantly there weren’t any radar or warning system, everything was dependant on the 6th sense of a navigation officer.
They did not manage to steer the ship to greet the incoming wave fast enough, and well, the ship was hit and toppled upside down. Somehow the old gay man ended up back in the ballroom just at the same instance, teleportation at work, I presume.
Well, some pretty fantastic camera works showed how so many people died, there was fire, and electric shocks and all that jazz. The captain who was in the ballroom tried to get everybody to calm down and wait for rescue to come, but the gambling man and all the other main characters decided to find their own way out.
The story then became an adventure of those guys and gals trying to get to the stern of the ship. Went through hips of danger and a couple other characters were introduced. The kitchen crew was quickly killed about 5 minutes after he was introduced, and there was this other annoying fella who was killed too in less than 10 minutes just because he was an asshole. Very good for morale education class.
After those two were killed, they continue finding their ways up, the Latina girl had to die because her skirt got caught and she drown, but somehow that scene wasn’t even sad. The little boy got lost somehow (the mom suddenly didn’t give a shit about the boy for 10 minutes) and then rescued by the gambling man (hero) just to add some very lousy spark to the story. The rich guy ex mayor (Kurt Russle, yey) who initially hated his daughter’s relationship with the boy friend, then had to die too to save everyone by reversing the propeller of the ship so they can get out.
When they got out (gambling guy, mother and kid, rich guy’s hot daughter and boy friend, old dude), they found a life boat in half a second, and got rescued 2 seconds later. End of story.
My criticism & plot holes:
- There character built up of the movie was very very weak, you never get to associate with any one of them.
- No story whatsoever in the whole movie.
- Two love story going on the show, but none important nor being followed up
- When the water filled up an air tight room, somehow all the air dissapeared and people started to drown, this is pyshically impossible and annoyed me alot.
- Somehow no one else survived, a 200 feet tall ship with thousands of crews and guests, everyone was killed except the half a dozen or so main characters
- There were fire in some air tight areas, when door was opened after that, there was no difference in air pressure (21% of air should be consumed, oxygen, hello!)
- There’s no way the propeller of the ship could be spinning faster than a mamak fan to generate air sucking force as powerful as a decompressing 747 jet at 50,000 feet.
- There’s no way a small tank of compressed gas could blow up the 20 feet tall propeller and created the damage it did
The story was flat an uninteresting, the actors themselves weren’t necessarily bad but there was nothing for them to work with. The script was horrendous, there were too many plot holes too. To their credit, the cinematography was pretty good and some of the effects were amazing. I give it a 4/10, it scored a 5.6/10 on IMDB, what say you?
Hollywood, please do not waste another US $150 million in bad scripts. From the other reviews that I read, it seems that this one is not even half as good as the original The Poseidon Adventure (1972). I am hoping that X-Men: The Last Stand is going to be a good one.