Ladies and gentlemen, I am your substitute teacher, Mr. KY, and the topic for today is “the proper stance for female using old school squatting toilet”
As we all know, Malaysia, as a third-world country, retains many legacy systems in our daily lives. While some are a form of blessing, others sometimes prove to be a source of exercise in frustration. One of the blessings is of course, the old school toilet bowl.
Now, there are many benefits to the old school toilets. Let me iterate them in an easy-to-read point form:
For guys, assuming you still have the tool you are born with, follow the same way, except replace sitting with squatting. Hence the title specify “female”, you know I am not sexist now don’t you?
For female, I have drawn up some graphics to show you how to use it properly. Please do not be astonished by my natural talent in painting, I know I am that good.
First, let us examine the difference between the two toilet systems. On your left is the new invention we can leave without, and on the right, is our beloved legacy system.
Now, the real lesson begins. Listen carefully you gals. To pee, please use the all-powerful “Type A” method. The advantages are:
It gets exciting now. To shit, commence the all-interesting “Type-B” method. The advantages are:
You must have thought that the lesson is finished by now. But wait, there is more. When you are peeing, and suddenly decided to shit, swiftly change from “Type-A” to “Type-B” immediately, to enjoy all 8 distinct advantages! However, after my intense research, it is found that gals are not advisable to switch from “Type-B” to “Type-A” when shitting, and suddenly decided to pee. The most common reason being that one might shit again after peeing, and it’ll be too much of an occupational hazard to switch too many times in one session.
Moral of the lesson:
Class dismiss!
This is the first post, and already I screwed up, having written the entire post and accidentally hit the wrong button and erased it all. Double work now, and hopefully I get the gist back.
Instead of pounding you with the thoughts I have in my mind for the better part of the last century, lets share something light, something easier to digest.
Last Saturday, faggot and I went to Chow Yang restaurant at ss2 for dinner. Now faggot is a Baba, though legally Chinese, his command of any Chinese dialects falls short of ST’s Malay.
I ordered wanton mee, and faggot went off to order his own dish from another stall.
Upon coming back, faggot was beaming with confidence and said “Dude, it’s so easy to order here, I only needed to say 3 words ‘uncle, hokkien mee yat woon, thank you’.” He looked so happy.
Never mind that was actually 7 words. So we then ordered our drinks and started waiting, and let me give you this exciting time-line.
5 min: my food came, faggot waiting for his food
20 min: I finished my food, faggot waiting for his food
30 min: more hot chicks walked by, faggot waiting for his food
35 min: I started the inevitable conversation
“Dude, they forgot your order?” I asked.
“Yeah I think so” Faggot replied.
“Go remind them then.”
“Nay, it’s ok.”
“Aren’t you hungry?”
“Yeah, but it’s ok.”
Then it struck me, faggot ran out of vocabulary in Cantonese to reorder.
Moral of the story –
